Kissed

It's been a good year for transcendence.

In my community group this week, we discussed beauty. We talked about art and literature, music and food, nature and poetry, and then our leader made what should have been a simple request: Name a time in your life when you have been deeply touched by beauty. It should have been simple.

I am actually prone to being deeply touched by beauty. My life has been blessedly disorganized and uncommitted in such a way that I have often been at leisure to stop and watch the sunset, or to read a book on the cliffs overlooking Muir Beach, or to enjoy an impromptu drum circle in Central Park. The request to share an experience of being overwhelmed by beauty wasn't difficult because I had nothing to share; it was difficult because being deeply touched by beauty is a bi-weekly (or is it semi-weekly?) experience for me. I am easily wrapped up in the shape of a winter tree or a well-crafted sentence. I tap my feet and do a little boogie unashamedly when my ipod offers me a favorite song. I never fear to raise my hands in worship and I "amen" the preacher under my breath with regularity. Enjoying the beautiful has never been a problem for me.

The interesting thing about beauty is that it isn't exactly what you think it is. Those of you who aren't followers of Christ may have an easier time admitting that the opening guitar rift of Here Comes the Sun constitutes a thing of beauty or that there is, indeed, something beautiful about the movie American Beauty. You may find it easier to praise the grace of Michael Phelps' butterfly or the brilliant triumph of Harry Potter. The church has, however, on the whole, distanced itself from these kinds of common beauty, or "lower case b" beauty and have limited ourselves, unnecessarily so, to appreciation and creation of art that explicitly represents "capital B" Beauty.

Ironically, the Beauty/beauty distinction is not really a distinction at all. Beauty with a capital B is the expression of God's character--the overflow of His nature and source of all that we call beautiful. beauty with a lower case b is the manifestation of Beauty in the created world--in art and music and nature, in dance and a well-cooked meal and in poetry.

Before the Enlightenment, the church was actually the primary source and patron of art and music, dance, architecture, sculpture, and drama. None of it was lame, much of it was not tame, and some of it was downright irreverent. But it was beautiful because it bred in the people of the day the kind of transcendence that brings us closer to God. It showed His character through stories of treachery and betrayal just as it revealed His character through the masterful representation of the human body in stone. It is unfortunate that, in the 21st century, we deny ourselves the joy of being touched by "non-Christian" art because it isn't an explicit statement about God's person. We separate ourselves from it to protect ourselves from unsavory influences, but we take our self-preservation to the extreme and deny ourselves the joy of seeing Beauty in the image of God and creative nature of the people around us--and we do so to our detriment.

This year has been especially transcendent for me. I've been overwhelmed by beauty more than my fair share this year. Overwhelmed so much so, that I still can't even talk about some of it. I was overwhelmed by Hamlet at The Courtyard theatre in Stratford-Upon-Avon just last month. I was overwhelmed by the sunrise over Edinburgh and the feeling of sitting high above that perfect city from my perch on Arthur's Seat. I was overwhelmed by the soggy greens and deep browns of the rural hills of West Lothian. I was brought to tears at the grave of CS Lewis.

And then, last night, I saw Chris Thile live again. Those of you who have read my previous post mentioning Chris Thile know that seeing him live is, for me, like sitting on Arthur's Seat overlooking Edinburgh, at sunrise with CS Lewis and then going home to my cottage in West Lothian and watching the Royal Shakespeare Company perform Hamlet in my back yard. It's beyond good. All the times I've seen him before have been in pretty intimate venues--you know, me and a thousand other people. Last night was like seeing him perform in my closet. It was tiny in there. There was no need for amplification, there was no need for a zoom lens, and there was certainly no desire whatsoever to be anywhere else--ever.

Chris has written a symphony of sorts for bluegrass instruments--mandolin, banjo, guitar, fiddle, and bass. It spans four movements over forty minutes and is one of the most compelling, gut-wrenching, stirring, sublime, and complex pieces of music I have ever heard. I float like a bird on that piece of music, diving and climbing, drifting and floating. I mourn lost love with Chris and I stand with him as he begs for mercy and I close my eyes and let the music carry me away. And last night, somewhere in the middle of those breathless forty minutes, I lost myself in worship.

(My Christian friends are praying for my idolatrous soul right now, so let me explain.)

I have a very soft spot for Chris Thile. He has been with me in all kinds of weather in all kinds of circumstances. Chris sang me through grad school. I enjoyed the beaches of Northern California and the hills of San Francisco with his mandolin singing in the background. He sang me off to Turkey, and stayed with me on countless boat trips between Europe and Asia across the Bosphorus. Chris has reminded me of God's faithfulness and of my own unfaithfulness. He road tripped with me to New York and has walked me home through the black streets of Brooklyn in the snow at midnight. And I, in turn, have been with him. I have mourned with him as he pled fruitlessly for his ex-wife's forgiveness. I have agonized with him as he worked out his agony by working it into song. He has made me laugh and cry. And he has made me worship.

It's not Chris Thile that I worship. He may be tall and devlishly handsome; he may be brilliant and a virtuoso. But he is just a man. Most of the time, his music has nothing to do with God...and yet, I, a devoted follower of Christ found myself enrapt last night by the music flowing out of Chris Thile. I lost myself; I gave myself entirely over to the music, and in those blessed moments, I found my God.

But how is this possible? How can something like bluegrass music about the pain of divorce played by a man who isn't even sure if he believes in Christ or not cause me to see Christ anyway? It is because Beauty inspires beauty, and every once in a while, in moments like these, Heaven bends down and kisses earth. We all feel it, followers of Christ or not, but only those of us who know the smell of Heaven's breath can know the true Beauty in that communion between Heaven and Earth. I can lose myself in worship at a Chris Thile show because I know that beautiful music is a reflection of God's joy in Himself, and I know that the love of Christ can soothe the agony of a broken heart, and I know that the immense talent flowing from the mind and the voice and the fingers of this unparalleled musician came from a creator who loves excellence and who has chosen to bless Chris and his audiences with the kind of music that proves it. There is Beauty in the beauty of Chris' music, but it is up to Chris and his audiences whether or not they see it.

Home, But Not Exactly On The Range

I actually felt a little sad getting in the taxi for the airport. Africa was good to me. Yes, it was dusty and dirty. Yes, I was dusty and dirty. And yes, I know the exact ratios of sweat, bug spray, sunscreen, and river water necessary for making a human being feel as gross as is humanly possible.

I learned that Mirinda Fruity is possibly the best soft drink known to man. I learned that malaria medicine is excellent for the complexion. And I learned that the ant is arguably the most brilliant of all God’s creatures—or at least the most ambitious.

At the end of August 2008, Africa opened its arms and embraced me. I had become exhausted in every way by the madness that is New York City, but as the breeze of Lake Victoria blew across my care-worn face every day, the struggle and uncertainty of the last year slowly faded away. I fell into the joy of doing what I was made to do. I basked in the freedom of my calling. I was sloppy with creative juices. And when Africa saw me off at the end of September, I was myself again. I had been nurtured back to health and happiness by the Motherland. She gave me a new beginning.

Now I’m back in New York…and to a new beginning indeed. I’m homeless and jobless. I have no plans and no sense of certainty about anything at all—save one. I am certain that I’m about to write a book. I have no idea how it’s going to turn out, but I know that my task now is to pray, close my eyes, put my fingers to the keyboard, and write. No amount of uncertainty, hardship, or New York insanity can change the task so clearly before me.

When someone asks me what I do, from now on, I will not say, “I’m just a temp.” Nor will I say, “I’m a housekeeper,” “I’m an office monkey,” or “I’m a barista.” Even though I may be any of those things, my clear and decisive answer will be, “I’m a writer.” This is my new beginning.

Consider me an ant with an enormous crumb. Carrying that crumb to my ant lair is going to be difficult if I try to do it on my own. That’s why I need you to be with me. I can’t carry this thing by myself. You are not just my audience; you are my co-laborer. The accountability and encouragement you have already given me and will give me in the months to come have and will challenge me to do my best work and to do justice to the calling placed on my life.

Thank you for being with me thus far. Thank you for being with me in the future. The blog won’t stop because the trip is over. We’re in this for the long haul. I need you. I look forward to sharing my stories with you individually, so don’t hesitate to ask me a million questions next time you talk to me. It was tough to leave Africa, but because of you and because of the task ahead, it is really good to be home.

T-minus Three Days and Sprinting to the End

Remember the days when I was able to spend some time writing long, insightful posts for you nice folks? Those were good days. They were the days of plenty of room on my computer and ipod, the days of clean shoes, the days of having enough time to shower every day. I remember them well...and I've left them behind. I'm not complaining, mind you. I mean, I DID just spend three days on safari. But I returned and found myself in the final sprint to the end, and boy am I running!! Today I'll be crossing the Equator. I hear they have a place there where a guy will do the water thing for you. You know, make it drain one direction on the North side, and the other direction on the South side. Lori and I are going down to a village made up almost entirely of the elderly, small children, and the mentally handicapped. I hope to conduct some interviews. Tomorrow I'm spending time with a girl named Jackie whose parents were killed by the LRA. And Wednesday I'm packing up and making my way to the airport. I hope to be able to write at least once more before I leave Uganda, but if I can't, I'll catch you up from the sunny banks of the Avon River on my quest to see Hamlet at the Royal Shakespeare Company.

Until then, I've made a video of the last week or so. This one is a bit longer than normal, so you may want to grab some provisions. Enjoy!

Note: This is a post I wrote several days ago...when I was still in Africa. For some reason I couldn't get it to come up on Blogger. So its a bit outdated. Sorry for any confusion! :o)

Grrrrrrroooooooooooooooowl!

Well, I'm a total slacker, it seems. Either that, or I've been so involved in the work here that I just haven't had time to blog like I want to. Let's go with the second one.

On top of that, I'm leaving the internet behind for the next three days in search of the elusive lion's roar. No, that's not a metaphor. I'm going on safari. In the two years I lived in Botswana, even though I spent a good deal of time in the bush and on safari, I never heard a lion growl. Hopefully all that will change in the next three days.

Lori and I will be traveling up to Murchison Falls National Park with a local safari group for a much-looked-forward-to holiday in the wild. I'll be back in internet range on Friday evening.

I've decided not to go to Gulu after all, so thank you all for your prayers regarding that. It just didn't feel right to me. So after safari, I will be going back to Jinja for a little less than two days, then back here to Kampala for three, and then I will be flying out. IT'S SO SOON!!!! I have alot to do between now and the 24th, but I will do my best to keep you all in the loop. I have several blog posts knocking around in my much too full noggin right now, so I just need to get them down in print.

Thanks again for everything you do for me. I would not be here, having the time of my life, without you.

A

Bouncy Flouncy Trouncy

Yay for video number three! This time, it's all about transpo. So put your feet up, take your Dramamine, and enjoy a little tour of Uganda.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

As promised, this post is nothing but things you can pray for. Lucky!

You can thank God with me that I have been healthy--completely healthy--the entire trip so far, and that I have been safe as well.

You can also thank God for his goodness in protecting mine and Lori's relationship and in providing such gracious and giving contacts here. I have been showered with hospitality and good will.

Also, you can thank him that I've been able to do everything I wanted to so far--meeting and spending time with orphans, recording their stories and writing up extensive daily notes to help me in the writing process, getting enough rest, and of course being faithful to post blogs and videos.

Things you can ask him for include:

Good contacts in the second half of the trip.
Continued health and safety.
Creative, mental, physical, and spiritual stamina.
The ability to focus and stick to the task at hand.
Wisdom in spending the remainder of my funds.
Rest and refreshment.
The ability to interview well and the social energy to enjoy the children and young adults I'm spending time with.
Fresh eyes to see the extraordinary things around me that threaten to become commonplace with familiarity.
Humility--the ability to respond well to God's leadership in all things.
Single-mindedness and selflessness.
A spirit of giving and compassion.

Some specific requests for this week are:

A good day with Julius and his siblings on Friday.
A good day of interviews at Father's Divine Love Ministries on Monday.
That I would make good connections in Gulu and would be able to go, or that I would have wisdom to know whether or not to go. I would be alone for this trip, and am a little wary.
A good day of worship and rest on Sunday.

Again, thank you all so much for your faithfulness in prayer and for your friendship and encouragement.

Oh! And expect a video tomorrow! :o)
A

Status Update

I thought it might be appropriate, now that I'm right around the halfway mark on the trip, to give you guys a quick status update. I have about 2 1/2 weeks to go, and a little less than two weeks already under my belt. It certainly seems like I've been here much longer!! In a good way...

So far, I've spent lots of time with a boy that I always knew would play a prominent role in the book. His name is Julius and he lives with his three younger siblings in Jinja. I've had the chance to spend two days with him so far, and plan to spend another day with him in the coming week to hopefully see his home and his school and meet his siblings.

I have also spent some time with some girls from an orphan rescue ministry called Dwelling Places--primarily a girl called Harriet. Today I will be spending the day with Harriet and her brothers Sam and Joseph as we go out to another orphan home called Watoto to visit their younger siblings. Please pray for us to have a good time, and also for good interviews.

Next week I plan to connect with a man named William in Jinja who runs a small home for AIDS orphans, and also a man named David Livingstone who runs an orphanage outside Jinja. On the 16th I will leave Jinja for good, so please pray that this will be a productive week.

I will be coming back to Kampala on the 16th, and will be leaving the next morning for a 2 1/2 day safari with Lori at Murchison Falls game park. Upon leaving Murchison Falls, I hope to find my way to Gulu in the north to meet with some orphans there. I have no contacts in Gulu as of yet, so please pray that the logistics will work out, or that I will be able to modify the plan to make those days productive.

I plan to leave Gulu on the 21st to return to Kampala. On the 22nd, I'm hoping to meet with a girl named Jackie whose parents were burned to death by the LRA, and on the 23rd I will go to a village south of the Equator to meet some orphans and the grandparents who care for them. Lori will be joining me to evaluate a well project in the village.

So that's the plan. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed yesterday, because right now I don't feel like I have anywhere near the amount of information that I need. Please pray that I will trust that the Lord has a plan, and that He will carry it out in His own time and way. I must just be fluid and obedient. You can also thank Him with me that I have been entirely healthy and safe for my entire trip so far. Literally nothing has gone wrong! I feel very insulated from trouble. I am confident moving about by myself, and have had no trouble at all with anything, really. I know that so much of that is due to your faithfulness to keep praying for me. Please keep it up. I hope to have the time soon to be able to write a blog just of things you can pray for me. Maybe when I get back from Watoto this evening.

And look for another video soon.

Hug yourself for me!
Amanda